HELP!

HELP, i need somebody

HELP, not just anybody

HELP, you know I need someone, HELP!

Raising a baby alone is a big challenge, raising twins is like climbing Mount Everest with one limb. And this is not a hyperbole, this is my reality.

I remember Kevin used to say, "how hard can it be?". Yah, he ate his words because it is friggin H A R D. No matter how much you try to control your emotions, sometimes, you will lose it. I LOST IT several times. Not my proud moments. I felt so guilty afterwards but I have to accept that human as I am, I have my flaws. 

In the weeks following childbirth, I doubt if any parents will feel amorous towards each other.It is pretty understandable, that as new parents, we don't have the time, stamina and interest for any expression of love. What used to be conversations about each other's interests now centers on the babies' poop! 

New role as parents take its toll on our marriage. It is not just physically tiring but psychologically tiring too. And the fact that babies are the main priority, sometimes, our own wellbeing has to take a backseat. True to what old people say, kids make the relationship very challenging but at the same time it makes it more meaningful.

This may sound very cliche but life with kids is worth all the sleepless nights. Someone has to do the job, a thankless job that will take a long long long time for the reward. Sure, a smile can melt your heart but it takes a lot of fussy period to get those toothless grin.

Whenever I feel like my hands are full, I will just psych myself up that it's way better than being empty. Count my blessings.

All my loving

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you
Tomorrow I'll miss you
Remember I'll always be true


In this day and age, being a mum is supposed to be easier. We have technology and researches to back us up. I can just easily be informed by my app all the milestones and things that my babies are capable of doing. Sometimes, it had its disadvantages. I get so caught up in the "expected" development of my babies that I tend to forget that all babies are different.

I've been told so many times that I "spoil" my babies. This is something that I will never hear from people had I raised my babies back in the Philippines. Back home, we run to our babies every whim. This is why every so often, friends and family asked me what I would do if they both cry. It's like a crime if I let babies cry. On the contrary, I get advised here to let the babies cry it out so as not to spoil them. Two opposing views from two opposite parts of the world. I am caught in the middle of it. It's like a Venn diagram of parenting!

But as they always say, trust your maternal instincts. No book nor researches can tell you what to do. I summoned my mommy brain and gave it a long hard thought. Though bulb said: I just need to give my babies all the love they deserve. Much has been talked about attachment parenting and though some of their views I don't come to terms with, I still believe that I NEED TO BE AT MY CHILDREN'S DISPOSAL AT ALL TIMES.

Luckily, they invented this term called "babywearing". This is the newest fashion trend in Hollywood (it will make them appear as "good parent" therefore increasing their likability and bankability, *wink *wink) which to my knowledge has been practiced as old as time. 

But babywearing for me is more than that, I do it for practical reasons. I got no help here and no one has invented self-cleaning clothes yet so I need to do laundry. I had a hard time admitting that my babies were colic. If we go by definition, technically they weren't. But they cried an awful lot, they want to be held ALL THE TIME. So the only way I can still work around the house is to carry them with me.

I scoured one too many slings, wraps and baby carriers. As an Amazon junkie, I found one that I thought was perfect for me. Had I known that its an enormous amount of cloth I had to wrap around my body, I would've opted for the easy-wear type like baby bjorn. 

Kevin and I wore the babies wherever we go. We often get the "look" from people. Oftentimes, "they look so cute" look, half the time "oh i feel sorry" look. Despite, we enjoyed it. It was a good bonding moment. However, we had to stop wearing them before I will get spinal surgery. 

Are you ready for this?

Last December, when I was very much pregnant, we went to attend Kevin's cousin's wedding social. Months after, I received an invite for her bridal shower. At first I was so hesitant to attend because 1. its a party, there's a lot of people 2. no males around ergo Kevin wouldn't be around 3. babies were
colicky and who wants a party-pooper? ( literally they're also big poopers, lol).

But then, my MIL roped me in for the gift so what the heck, might as well attend. Anyhoo, one part of me also wanted to go and be with human beings other than my husband and in laws. But the mind-changer was my innate mother brain--- I wanted to see Pam's twins. ( twin mom who gave birth 5 months prematurely).

Before Kevin dropped us off at the venue, we attempted to brave the mall. We had our stroller-- headturner by itself. for the first 5 minutes, it went smoothly till they started crying and it went downhill from there. i could almost see the prying looks of people at the back of my head. this is not the kind of attraction any parents would want to have so we headed out.

At the venue, my eyes were searching for the other set of twins. and man oh man, they were sleeping so soundly. My kids are 2 months older but those babies came out 5 months earlier so technically theyre older now. for someone who came out of this world barely 2 lbs, they looked so good and healthy. there my mommy brain again. lol.

i met some of Kevin's relatives and their tales of parenting. I had a good time, good food, giod chat. I
realized how different our culture is or my family's culture from theirs. But I've always wanted to raise my kids the way my parents raise me. and that would mean no Asian F on their report card! ( so help me God!)