Missing pants.

Kevin's mom has a twin. maybe thats the reason we have Emma and Sophia. After 10 days, we decided to give his 91 year old grandma a visit. Since it was their first time to get out of the house, they wore that Gap lacy onesie. I never thought of putting on some pants because they had a bunting to keep them warm. It was in the thick of winter and it snowed that day making it extremely colder than I expected. Call it lapse in judgment or sheer new parent stupidity. It was a bonehead move.

Grandma Bohn who raised twins and 3 other kids without help stood aghast at the sight of the pants-less babies. She told us how hard life was wayyyyyyy back yada yada and she couldnt even remember how she did it with twins
back then. I was eagerly listening to her but at the back of my mind I thought may be circumstances ( having twins, 3 older kids and no help) drove her to be cold/heartless/void of emotions.

Other than making me $200 richer, that visit with Grama brought an epiphany. sort of. It came to me that having twins is undeniably overwhelming and that it takes too much work but I will not let the crying and fatigue get the best of me. Its not my children's fault that I am weak and wimpy. Ergo, I need to toughen it up.

As the old adage goes, if you are going through hell, keep walking. :)

The Crying Game

All babies cry, I pretty much know that. But I have two. They cried like you want to send them to nowhere--- only a mom of two colicky kids can only understand. It made me so frustrated that I don't have two laps and four arms. Duh, genetics!

They said ( mother in law, unsolicited advice) that you just have to let the babies cry for 5 minutes and they will stop. Easier said than done. I know they will not self-destruct through crying but I cant bear to listen to them cry. Besides, biology made a clever way for mothers to respond to their babies through a leaking breasts!  I thought it was funny kinda weird before but it happened.

We tried everything. It's like they're not happy if they don't cry. Oxymoron. I almost lost it or may be I did lose it. Then I remember that book I bought " the happiest baby on the block". I tried to turn on the white noise from the vacuum cleaner. And voila, it worked like magic. Like they were in stupor, transfixed to la la land. Boy, was I ever relieved. I just have to get used to this noise. Whatever works, and this white noise is my saving grace. 

sleep baby sleep

Reunited

After 4 days of being home, we received a call from the hospital that Sophia was good to go. I was so happy but at the same time I was worried on how to handle the twins. We thought she would stay at NICU for a week or two but she must've wanted to be home too. :)

February 22, Wednesday. 

We fetched Sophia from NICU. I was still weak, not strong enough to carry the carseats, so Kevin had to carry both. We got the oohhs and ahhs that came with having twins. People would always comment how blessed we are. But half the time they would also say its a lot of work. I cant discount the latter. Having one baby would already turn your life around, WHAT MORE With two.

I didn't dwell so much on the hardwork. Its given. I was more concerned on kevin and I not killing each other in the process. We all know marriage takes a different turn when children come along. There should be a constant reminder to each other not to get wrapped up in our new role as parents. After all, we are still husband and wife on top of being parents. Not an easy feat, parenthood makes marriage a lot harder-- like constantly being in a race sans a finish line. But this is what we signed up for. As they say, if you are going through hell, just keep on moving. 

With Sophia at home, we are complete. The real adventure is about to start.

when shit hits the fan

Hematoma refers to an abnormal collection of blood in the body that is typically the result of a broken or ruptured blood vessel. Hematomas can cause a minor skin bruise or a collection of clotted blood that is deep within a muscle, organ or even the skull ( about.com)

Two days after we got home with Emma, I was still so weak. While we were still in the hospital, my prognosis was good that I was able to walk 24 hours post-surgery.

Canada's awesome health care provides you  a public nurse to check in on you postpartum. When we got home, the public nurse gave us a visit. Upon checking me up, she noticed the bruises and told me that I need to go to ER because I "might" have hematoma. As if it's not enough that I have twins and c section, I had hematoma. It was already very stressful juggling chores and caring for newborn Emma. I was beside myself and ignored what the nurse said but the bleeding didnt stop. Kevin pushed me to go to the hospital. We had no choice but to drive ourselves to emergency room with Emma in the middle of below zero winter.

Waiting in the emergency was like watching grass grow or paint to dry. Time went so slow, and we had a 4-day old baby with us. A good concerned friend told me to send the baby home (as her immune system was still fragile and she might catch something from the hospital). I mustered the courage to wait at the emergency on my own with bleeding stitches. Kevin together with Emma went home while I waited for bloody 6 hours. For a moment there I thought i would pass out from blood loss. When i was finally checked, doctor told me it was no cause for concern as there were no signs of infection. Some pep talk and I went home with a gauze pad. Yes, a gauze pad and a vote of confidence that I would be all right.

The following day, I was assigned with a new nurse, this time not as cheeky as the previous one. She checked on me and said that I need to go to emergency again ( WHAT?!). I told her the trouble I had to go through just to get a gauze pad but she had some clout in the hospital and had me admitted at the OB triage. I sprinted my way to the hospital and 3 doctors drained the effin blood clot from my stitches and sent me home. It almost threw me. I thought I had to be restitched again.

I kept on telling myself to be strong. I had to. I had no choice. It's not that I was careless, reckless ( insert synonyms), I was just "active" because I had to. The laundry will not wash on itself.

And I remember growing up, I had all the help I could possibly get. We were not rich but we had nanny and maid. It wasn't that difficult for my parents. As a working adult, I had students living with me. They helped me in so many ways. I was very dependent. VERY. My mom's worried about me because she knows I'm the sloth in the family........and the irony of life, I'm raising twins in a first world country where having a maid is a luxury.

Kevin kept on saying how proud he is of me. But there's nothing to be proud of, I'm on i-cant-believe-i-can-do-this mentality. I guess what it  all boils down to is adaptation-- basic need for survival. Live and learn is the name of the game. And everyday it's not just learning about motherhood but learning about myself too