How to Raise a Child

Be consistent

DON'T speak about  him to others (e.g. tell funny things) in his presence. ( don't make him self-conscious).

DON'T praise him for something I wouldn't always accept as good.

DON'T reprimand him harshly for something he's been allowed to do.

DAILY routine; eating, homework, bath. teeth. room, story, bed.

DON'T allow him to monopolize me when I am with other people.

Always speak well of his pop.

Do not discourage childish fantasies.

 Make him aware that there is a grown-up world that's none of his business.

Do not assume that what I don't like to do, he won't like either.

-SUSAN SONTAG-

Picasso Picasso

" Every CHILD is an artist, the problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up"

Don't worry about dolls

It's hard being a parent. You either make or break your child. So it's not surprising that most parents worry a lot about the future and what it holds for their kids. I came across this "fatherly advice" from the author of one of my favorite books, The Great Gatsby's F. Scott Fitzgerald. It's a letter he sent to his daughter. Poignant. 

Things to worry about:

Worry about courage
Worry about Cleanliness
Worry about efficiency
Worry about horsemanship
Worry about…

Things not to worry about:

Don’t worry about popular opinion
Don’t worry about dolls
Don’t worry about the past
Don’t worry about the future
Don’t worry about growing up
Don’t worry about anybody getting ahead of you
Don’t worry about triumph
Don’t worry about failure unless it comes through your own fault
Don’t worry about mosquitoes
Don’t worry about flies
Don’t worry about insects in general
Don’t worry about parents
Don’t worry about boys
Don’t worry about disappointments
Don’t worry about pleasures
Don’t worry about satisfactions

Things to think about:

What am I really aiming at?
How good am I really in comparison to my contemporaries in regard to:

(a) Scholarship
(b) Do I really understand about people and am I able to get along with them?
(c) Am I trying to make my body a useful instrument or am I neglecting it?

Cry me a river: sleep training

I cant believe I am saying this. I "Ferberize" my babies. If you would've asked me a month ago, I wouldve given you a lecture on Erik Erikson's trust vs mistrust issue. Yes, I took my psychology too seriously. I couldnt say it often enough, its against my biology to let them cry. But I am at my wits end. I need to teach them to sleep.

My pediatrician told me to let them cry on their 6 month's visit. But I didnt do it, its not something that we practice in our culture. We co-sleep and we don't let babies cry. But I am alone.  I have no help and my patience is wearing out. I spread myself too thin that literally it shows in my body weight. I haven't seen my clavicle since I was in high school!

I did my research. I am by the books in everything. I have no parents nor friends who are here physically with me who can lend me a manual. And as it turned out, there's no conclusive evidence that CRY IT OUT( CIO) has any adverse effect on babies. Although, attachment parenting proponents advocate anti-CIO, their thesis on this issue has something to do with "bonding".

It took me 8 months to decide on sleep training. What broke the last straw? Exhaustion. Fatigue. Mental  exasperation. I take care of the babies all day and although I love them more than life itself, I get tired at the end of the day. I want night time to be my time. I want to be able to rest and sleep. No matter how hard I thought about it, I couldn't be a good mum if I am always cranky to my babies--- thats not the kind of mother I imagined myself to be. Something has to be done.

I waited till after Halloween. Kevin and I were already dragging our feet for too long. Time to face our own worst enemy-- our own self doubt. I don't want to second-guess myself on this.

We planned it out, set a strategy and then did it. I admit it was torture. The hardest thing I ever had to do-- listen to babies crying. They said it could last for 2-3 hours. but thank god it only took them 40 minutes. For someone who always responded to every babies' whim, it was the longest 40 minutes of my life. AND IT WAS JUST THE FIRST DAY.

I just hope that this is all worth it. I miss cuddling them at night. But I am teaching them a skill. Skill that would let them have a good and longer sleep. Sleep is to the brain what exercise is to the body.

We still have a lot of rice to eat.... this is just the beginning but I don't regret the decision of giving in to this.

In my effort to feel better about doing it, I found this http://www.redorbit.com/news/video/science_2/1112700726/crying-babies-debate-092512/

HELP!

HELP, i need somebody

HELP, not just anybody

HELP, you know I need someone, HELP!

Raising a baby alone is a big challenge, raising twins is like climbing Mount Everest with one limb. And this is not a hyperbole, this is my reality.

I remember Kevin used to say, "how hard can it be?". Yah, he ate his words because it is friggin H A R D. No matter how much you try to control your emotions, sometimes, you will lose it. I LOST IT several times. Not my proud moments. I felt so guilty afterwards but I have to accept that human as I am, I have my flaws. 

In the weeks following childbirth, I doubt if any parents will feel amorous towards each other.It is pretty understandable, that as new parents, we don't have the time, stamina and interest for any expression of love. What used to be conversations about each other's interests now centers on the babies' poop! 

New role as parents take its toll on our marriage. It is not just physically tiring but psychologically tiring too. And the fact that babies are the main priority, sometimes, our own wellbeing has to take a backseat. True to what old people say, kids make the relationship very challenging but at the same time it makes it more meaningful.

This may sound very cliche but life with kids is worth all the sleepless nights. Someone has to do the job, a thankless job that will take a long long long time for the reward. Sure, a smile can melt your heart but it takes a lot of fussy period to get those toothless grin.

Whenever I feel like my hands are full, I will just psych myself up that it's way better than being empty. Count my blessings.