Homecoming

February 18- Saturday. After what feels like forever, we were good to go. In just 5 days, my life was changed. Doctors found me fit to go home. Though staying in the hospital was like having 24/7 help, our lives had to be started.

As it turned out, Sophia wasnt ready to come home yet. Her feeding was erratic and she had to learn to feed on her own. My heart sank. But it was for the best. I had to pump milk to leave to Sophia. After I packed our stuff, I went to see her at NICU. She was no longer in her feeding tube but still she had to stay. The nurse assigned to her couldn't even tell me when she'll be home. We took some photos and I was sobbing on our way home. T'was a bittersweet moment. 

Looking back, it was all part of God's greater scheme of things. I wouldnt know what to do had Sophia came home with us. When we got home our house looked like it was hit by a tornado and I was too weak to clean. I did what I could do at that time which affected my surgery( story to follow). To recuperate from a major surgery on top of taking care of a newborn was the hardest thing Ive gone through in my life. We are first time parents plagued with anxiety and self-doubt. My support system consists of two people: my husband and my mother in law. That was not enough considering the enormous responsibility to take care of not one but two newborns. Despite the obvious fact that we were over the moon with Emma and Sophia in our lives, inevitably my stress level was through the roof which somehow took a toll on my recovery. 

Nevertheless, as they say, the show must go on. Keep moving keep moving was our mantra. Emma was getting used to the new environment and it wasnt easy for her. Of course if it wasnt easy for her, all the more with us. It was a cutthroat situation, when we were both tired and sleep-deprived-- a very dangerous combo. I was too weak but had to keep the house livable. I was even too ambitious to think that I could breastfeed exclusively. That too didn't happen since formula was already introduced in the hospital because I was on c-section. So when we got home, we didnt have any baby bottle! Kevin had to rush to the store to get bottles and formula. Whatever breast milk I had pumped, it was delivered to Sophia as she needed it more.

I don't want to sugarcoat the experience, it was tough. Really tough. I was on a brink of losing sanity. And I realized we didnt even have Sophia yet in the first few days we were home. Then it occured to me, that her staying at the NICU was a blessing in disguise. God is good.

Sophia at NICU

EMMA dolled up to come home

Skin to skin with Sophia before we left the hospital